Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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