The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
