My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
vagina is talking i cant
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
