if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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