Your dad touched me again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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