drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
