new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
