I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
