Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
