Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
