How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
