Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
