dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you will always have a special place in my vag
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
