Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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