I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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