dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
