Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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