Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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