My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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