i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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