We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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