Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
