let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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