i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
