Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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