I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
