Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
