I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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