If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
