I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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