the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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