hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
