You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
