my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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