I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
