Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
