you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
