Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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