Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
