i jhust puked up my retainher.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
