yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
