Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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