My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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