If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
