I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
