oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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