There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
