I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
