? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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