I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
