never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
