I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
