I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
