i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
