Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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