All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
