I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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