my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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