i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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