Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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