i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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