I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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