her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
