Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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