if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he quoted the bible to break up with me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
