I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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