I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
