First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
