I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
