Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
