did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
