You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize