Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if only i could text you this smell
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
