You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
