woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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