hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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