I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
