gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize