I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
