You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
