I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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