Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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