Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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