either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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